Attention, all you tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, this is the government of the United States of America speaking. Fuck you! Listen up, you sad, pathetic losers. Things have changed. There’s a new sheriff in town who was elected in a massive landslide and He makes all the decisions now, and He says you’re fucked. To the one hundred million people who are now banned from entering the most terrified nation on earth, fuck you. If you ask us why you are banned when none among you has ever carried out a terrorist attack, shut your fucking mouth. You say that you went through a years-long vetting process to get a green card and permanent-resident status from us and are only trying to return to the U.S.? Well, fuck you, too. Don’t tell us about being innocent people trying to rescue your families from horrific war zones. Go fuck yourselves. Hey, you Muslim, Sharia-law-loving bad guys—get the fuck out of the way and make room for the Christians. And to the REAL enemy, the American press, just shut your fucking mouths and listen to US for a while, because we alone understand the problem and we alone can fix it. And here’s a fuck you in advance for the pussy snowflakes at home who don’t like our methods. We’re making lists, and once we seal our borders to Muslims and brown people, we’ll be coming for you next. Don’t bother thanking us, world, you’re very fucking welcome. Signed, the government of the United States of America.
