As any billionaire President under the threat of indictment will tell you, it's hard to find a good lawyer these days.

One of Trump's lawyers claimed publicly that he used a personal home equity loan to pay off porn star who was threatening Trump, and that he made this legal decision without bothering to tell his client, the President, about it despite legal ethics guidelines. Trump denies to the press any knowledge about any payment. That Trump lawyer drew up a nondisclosure agreement under the President's pseudonym and then forgot to have the President sign it. That lawyer has his home, office, and apartment raided by the FBI, who found that the lawyer had kept 16 of his old cell phones lying around waiting to be confiscated. It also turns out that that Trump lawyer was in cahoots with the porn star's lawyer, unbeknownst to her, despite legal ethics guidelines. So the porn star is suing that Trump lawyer, who has announced that he will plead the Fifth in that case.

So Donald Trump/David Dennison hires ANOTHER lawyer to do a better job defending him on television. That new lawyer tells the nation two weeks ago that he will end the Mueller investigation in two weeks. Last night, in his first national television interview, this new lawyer completely contradicts the other Trump lawyer and says that the other Trump lawyer used a slush fund funded by Trump to the tune of $35,000 a month (12 x $35,000 = $420,00 a year) to pay off the porn star and that Trump knew about this but that this was in no way was a campaign finance law violation because it was about saving the personal reputation of a man who just happened to be on the Presidential election ballot two weeks after the payment was made. This new Trump lawyer also says in the interview that "all the crimes [being investigated by Mueller] were committed by the government," meaning Trump's own Justice Department and FBI.

A bunch of other Trump lawyers jump into action overnight to try to limit the legal damage from the new Trump lawyer's comments, which contradicted earlier statements by both Trump and his other lawyer. These lawyers draft a three-part tweet and send it out under Trump's name this morning admitting that there was a slush fund and repeating the claim that the payment to the porn star two weeks before the election was in no way a campaign finance violation.

The new Trump lawyer goes on national television this morning to try to limit the damage from his interview the night before and muses on the air: "Can you imagine if that[payment] came out on October 15, in the middle of, you know, the last debate with Hillary Clinton?" The new Trump lawyer says that Trump knew he would make these revelations on national television, and so he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be fired today.

The White House announces that a ANOTHER new lawyer has been added to the Trump legal team. This lawyer has experience defending Presidents from impeachment, which Trump will certainly need--thanks to the outstanding work of his legal team.